DONUTISM – (Not to be confused with old heresy known as Donatism) Donutism is the propensity for some Catholics to leave their parish and join a denomination based on the quality of the donuts and coffee that that is served before, after, and during Sunday services.
Now, I have been known to practice the secular workplace Donutism and find significant workload in the departments with better donuts. But never does that transfer into the religious Donutism. In fact, our parish weeds out the Donutists during Lent by removing them and offering pretzels instead. Helps the parishioners to stay through the closing hymn also. And now my offerings.
Pelagasusism: An offshoot of the more well known Pelagianism, where "believers" believe in their ability to save themselves through their own merit, namely reading popular fantasy novels. The ability to see Harry Potter* as a Christ-figure and develop a world-view based on the latest best seller, spending inordinate amounts of time at book release parties, seclusion from the world while reading the latest release and playing made up fantasy games identify these devotees.
*no, I am not opening that debate. Just a bit of humor
Blogarists: Typically faithful Catholics that are led astray by the Wicked World Web. Starting out as a simple outlet for frustration or venue to discuss the liturgy can soon turn into the full blown heresy of Blogarism. These fanatics tend to shrink every homily into a blog-sized bite of catchy wisdom, or worse an unending gossip session about the priest, bishop or choir. Blinded by the thought that they are "helping", these are the most difficult to bring back to the fold.
Spearianites: Normally affects the younger generations and is typified by non-stop obsession with the most recent pop-stars, especially as the pop-star tends to head down the tragic spiral of media obsession and drug-use. Devotees gather wherever there is a TV set tune to a "news" channel. Large congregations can be found in airport terminals.