Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The MASTER'S Card

As I mentioned in the prior article, as a son of Adam, I am thankful for any method of ridding my soul of the stain of sin. Think of it as "Pay now rather than pay later."

Purgatory is sort of like the pain of paying off credit cards after the holiday. We spend beyond our means and have to purge our accounts of that misdeed. Sin is usually just the corruption of something good. Overeating, sexual fantasies, drunkenness... are just extremes or perversions of enjoying good food, appreciating beauty and the gift of marital union, and enjoying good spirits in moderation.

By our fallen nature we often spend beyond our limit, buy into false ideas, indulge our temptations. So how do we avoid the overdrafts and backdrafts of eternal debtors prison? We tend to rely on a CC, or Church Card. Most CCs are limited in scope to denouncing your debt, and pretending it never happened. Some CCs actually try to change the spending habits of their members. In the Catholic Church Card, CCC, we have the total package. I call it...

The MASTER'S Card.
The MASTER'S Card has many unique offerings.

  • "Indulgence Option" Also known as the "Prepay Plan" for those interested paying off debts in small doses. Not to be confuse with indulging temptations, the "Indulgence Option" is granted on special occasions (Jubilees, Annual Recourse* and Bearer Certificates**) to those in need of debt relief. This is no longer a popular option because of Luther's 95 misreadings of terms. It isn't that Christ hasn't saved us, it is because we continue to overspend even after the plan is initiated at baptism.
  • "Complete Payoff Plan", aka the Martyrs option, is an immediate complete forgiveness of debts through the shedding of blood. Not a popular option in the Western world, it is still in full use by those members in China and under Islamic rule.
  • "Debt Counseling" offered at most parishes on Saturday's from 3:30 to 4:45 pm. This is a completely unique option not offered by any other CCs. If properly understood, all members interested in the Eternal Saving Account would sign up for this option. Regretfully most do not know the power of this offer or think they can live without it.
  • "Sunday Money" offers those low on dough a chance to receive free Bread of Life. This Bread offered for the life of the world is available at a Mass near you. This option is best used after signing up for regular "Debt Counseling."
Remember,

Moral bankruptcy leads to eternal damnation, for everything else unconfessed, there is The MASTER'S Card.

*The Year of the Eucharist offer has just expired. Please watch for the next Annual Recourse offer.
**Only available for honoring the Bearer of the Christ Child.

Note to the Good Curt Jester, this is a separate offer, independent of any perceived similarities to your Vatican City State Credit Card Offer. This offer stands alone as a result of the recent Plenary Indulgence Offer.

    4 comments:

    Linda said...

    Dead brilliant!!!!! More, more, more!

    Jack Dwyer said...

    In your second paragraph, you did it... You typed "martial union"... Now, many of my married friends would probably agree with you, but all the same...!

    Hai!


    God Bless.

    Banshee said...

    For everything He wants you to be.

    KaleJ said...

    Martial indeed. Thanks for catching that.

    Amen Banshee. For everything!