What I secretly dread about my children growing up

Guess it isn't so secret if I post it on the internet. But as my kids grow-up, here are a few things I dread.

1. Pulling a "pair" of socks out of gym bag, only to discover they aren't really a pair; but rather one of mine and one of my boys. The latter being eerily close to mine in size, but with the distinct discoloration that comes from running in socks through yard.

2. Body odor. Now I sweat a little (or quite a little, depending on who you ask) and have the accompanying aromas. But those are mine. And as any good alpha dog will let you know, there is only room for one of those smells around here.

3. Being a wrestler, I am pretty sure I will be able to hold my own until they are into adulthood, but pretty soon I am going to have to start using my "veteran" wits more than my physical brawn.

4. Food bills. I think I know what store owners feel like during a riot. Turn your back and everything good is gone off the shelves.

5. As they get older, perhaps they will goof off less, but when they do throw each other around, the damage is likely to cost more. For the doctor bills and the home repairs.

A standard

Kevin O'Brien of the Plain Dealer marvels that we have apparently found a standard, below which we will not stoop to allow.

Finally, we have a broad consensus that somewhere, someone's "lifestyle" has gone too far.
...
We've picked a battle. Praise be.

He speaks of the almost unanimous outrage regarding the Yearning for Zion's abuse of the young girls. In our culture of sexual liberation and deviancy, they, the leaders of this cult, have gone too far. We won't accept the indoctrination, brainwashing and abuse of these young girls.

But Kevin wonders if it isn't a bit hypocritical?

But how is it that so many of us fail to see - or choose to ignore - the same things befalling young girls everywhere?

Long before they're 18, the prevalent culture in America's cities steers black girls into lives of single motherhood and serial relationships with men who aren't interested even in "spiritual" wives.

Mom took that route. So did Grandma. No stigma. No outrage. It's just how life works.

Or how about girls in idyllic, white, small-town America? The prevalent culture rushes them through childhood, has them dressing provocatively at 12 and involved in "serious relationships" and/or casual hook-ups with potentially life-altering consequences before they're 16.

That's what the appealing young people on MTV do. That's how the popular girls play it.
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Polygamy or older men marrying young girls? Either may seem weird or downright distasteful to us, but aren't those just different kinds of marriage? If we declare the whole one-man, one-woman thing obsolete, how can we then draw artificial lines by age, sex or number of partners? Besides, who are we to doubt the capacity of two (or more) people to love one another enough to make a marriage work?

Young kids having sex? Aw, they're all doing it. Right? Can't stop 'em. Just issue the girls condoms, explain the plumbing and invite them to make "wise choices." Isn't that how we "empower" girls who don't live in cults?

I think he hits on something here. Given his points about how the media, Hollywood or whatever cultural bogyman we fear treats young girls, why cry foul here? The proverbial slippery slope, Kevin is happy to see something has finally elicited people to dig in their heels and "No, we don't allow that here."

He is right, we, and I emphasize 'we', need to say that more often. It isn't the job of the media or Hollywood to raise our daughters; to say 'NO' once in a while. It is the job of the parents, especially the fathers.

I don't believe the outrage of the media regarding the abuse of these girls. They are just angry that it was not the approved method of indoctrination and sexification of these children. If the polygamist leaders would have been handing out condoms and telling the boys to "be boys" and score as many girls as they could, the silence would have been deafening. If the girls were instructed to "make their own choices" and sleep with whom they wanted, no cry would have been raised. But since this wasn't the "approved method", and it makes news, the media has been all over it.

But the media doesn't control the destiny of our children. Hollywood only has the influence that we give it. But have we already lost that battle? Do we fathers even know there is a battle going on?

Were does our attention turn when Brittany, Paris or the latest pantiless young girl is paraded across the news? What is being spewed from the TVs in our living rooms, the magazine on the coffee tables or the computer in the den? Do we think our daughters are so naive not to notice what gets our attention? Where do girls learn the basics for relationship? From the actions of the fathers. So we can lament the state of the world all day long, but undue those eloquent words with a few simple actions that speak otherwise.

It's snow fun time

I love the snow.  I love to hear people get dramatic over a little cold weather or several inches of snow.  We got somewhere over 12 inches in the last two days, probably more but it was heavy and kept settling. 

Don't have a snow blower, I got kids.  I sent them out on Saturday night to shovel so the run to Church on Sunday would be clear.  A very wise move by my wife was purchasing additional shovels.  I had one it never worked to have the boys take turns with it.  We have 3 snow shovels and one is little for the smaller boys.  Looks like the grain harvest on those big wheat farms when they all line up and start plowing.

Last night I took one boy out with me and we cleared away another 4-5 inches.  It makes a father's heart swell watching a boy really put himself into hard work.

Broad shoulders

Don't know as I have broad shoulders, but it looks as if I am gonna need them. According to the Zenit article, How Dads Can Help Raise Strong Daughters my job just got double tough. As I have one daughter about to enter the teen years, and now a new one to keep me on my toes..

Research shows that a father's influence builds up self-esteem, helps his daughter to avoid sex, drugs, alcohol, and stay in college. What it is that a father offers is that he carries an authority in his daughter's eyes. This authority is not ascribed to the mother, not that she is not important, but a father's influence is different.

When a girl is little, her dad is her primary male love relationship. When he gives her something as a man, she learns lessons about men, setting a template in those early years on her heart about what to expect, to think, to feel, and know about men from there on out, affecting even her relationship to God, because Christ is a man.

That last line is enough to make even the best father tremble. Not just Christ being a man, but God being the Father and whom all fathers are in the image of. Like I said, Lord help me in my task. Hopefully I will do better with my second daughter than I did with my first. Not that she is a failure, but I look back at my decisions and failings as a new father with sadness. How much more I could have done. Hopefully I didn't screw up my first child with my stubborn and unserving ways.

The section that struck me most in this excellent article has me looking deeper into all my children.

Real joy and happiness comes when kids understand that they have a purpose in life, and a mission to fulfill. The only way to get them to understand this is to look beyond self and doing good for others.

This is the source of real transformation, but this can't happen without humility, the opposite of which is pride. When parents instill humility, a kid understands that he or she is important, and lovable, but not separate from others in their humanity. If a kid really wants to feel good about himself, humility brings people closer, whereas pride separates.

A kid raised without humility will always strive to be better than others, smarter than others, but can only bring a frustrated "happiness" because no one can always be the best at everything. True happiness for kids, then, is to give them a purpose to fulfill through working, striving, giving to and for others.

I can see that lack of humility in at least one of my boys too. Wonder where they got THAT trait? Anyone that rights a book on "how to raise children" and seems to have it all figured out either is 1) deceived or 2) done raising children. The rest of us must keep learning and adjusting. Our fallen nature and the supreme task we face dictate that much.

Priestly service

Some of us over at Catholic Dads have recently been discussing kids at Mass. They are often a distraction, but taking them is part of their training and they belong there as Catholics.

But a thought occurred to me today at Mass for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. As fathers, we have a priestly role for our domestic church, our family. And what would one think if the priest decided to sit down and watch the consecration because he wanted to "not be distracted" by being in the service of the people?

As a father we are consecrating our children to God, and by becoming a father we have given up the right to spend our Sunday's at Mass simply for ourselves. We become servants to our children in the way that the priest is the servant of his spiritual children. So my time at Mass is spent training and building up my children rather than immersed deeply in private prayer.

Not really

Tis often frustrating trying to get the 5 boys and a girl settled down for bedtime. Hence prayer time can be somewhat stressful. Must have been the case tonight as my kids caught a slip in the Act of Contrition. It wasn't what I was thinking, but at the moment, one could almost understand.

Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee.
And I detest all my SONS, because of thy just punishments,
but most of all because they offend Thee my God whom art all good
and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of
thy grace to sin no more and avoid the near occasion of sin.

One for the dads

Fatherly duty

I ran across this reading about the Minnesota Vikings and their head coach. Sort of reminded me of a fatherly duty to scout the landscape and prepare his children for any dangers or holes they could fall into.

Childress takes discipline seriously, and he has personally visited most every bar or cafe where players recently have gotten in trouble. No doubt he will give a scouting report on what he expects of the players regarding these places when he greets the squad today.

What about children?

Gerald at The Cafeteria Is Closed asks the question, What's so great about children (?)

And he is seriously asking, from the standpoint of a man, why? He had over 75 comments when I got to it, so I am sure he is getting his answer and then some. But here is the view from a former self-seeking young man.

The easy answer is, what can be more fulfilling than co-creating another eternal soul?

Easy? Not a chance. Require sacrifice? Yes with a capital Y. I have six and one on the way. Did I ever envision myself as a father of many children? No. In fact I was too selfish to even want any. I have several siblings and they have many children, but I was never into babies. I hardly held a small child until mine were born. So I can relate to his questions. But the lesson of self-sacrifice was learned from raising children. I wouldn't be where I am today if not for those lessons.

So in other words, my salvation is heavily dependent on my children.

And as I have told my older brother who has no children, either you pay now or you pay later. Having children is an expense of time, talent and treasure. But spending that now in the service of others leads to eternal rewards. Isn't that the message of Jesus Christ? Seriously, as a parent of several children, we don't have to look far for our corporal works of mercy; feed the hungry, clothe the naked, comfort the sorrowing....

In our youth, we can spend our time on ourself or we can spend it on our children. Our choice may well determine how we spend our time in our old age and eventually eternity. And who wants to be alone and still seeking our own solitary happiness then?

So there is my answer without even resorting to the joys they bring.

Physical solutions

I recently had to resolve a dust-up between my 7 year old and a friend. Seems the rough housing on the trampoline got a bit rough. I tend to ignore when the boys get their feelings hurt when they are being rowdy.

But my wife called attention to my boy being unhappy because the other boy hit him. But, of course it was a return for getting shoved. After I settled the matter with some push-ups and stairs, I had the boys shake hands. And then shake hands again, like a man which includes looking each other in the eye.

That night I was talking to my boy and he was still festering about it. I mentioned we would have his friend and dad come over so we can have a boxing match. I told him if he wanted to settle it with fighting we would put the gloves on and work it out fairly. He thought about it and grumpily agreed, but then added that he would rather wrestle.

Sounds about right because this other boy used to bully him until my son took him down and pinned him. But then again, my boy has a bit of the careless bully in him too. Perhaps we will just go UFC?

must read

While I ponder this article and think through a reasoned comment on it, enjoy it for yourself.

Redeeming The Black Avenger - Crisis Magazine

It is about winning the hearts of our boys for our faith.