Minding the kids

I have been asked on more than one occasion how we get the children to mind so well in church.  Other than noting that from a parents perspective, they aren't always angels. 

But they do stay pretty quiet and we don't make too many trips  "out back". It occurred to me as I was interrupted from my state of awe last Sunday.  Just as Father was about to consecrate the Body of Christ, our two year old and 5 year old started squabbling and the shush was more than the tender feelings of the little one could bear.  So as he was rushed out of the pew just as he drew his breath for the second wail, I turned to see what they were fighting over.

It was nothing more than a book.  But there lies the rub.  It wasn't our book, we tend to be minimalists in our approach to Mass time entertainment.  It isn't asking too much for kids to be quiet and behave for one hour.  The youngest two draw/scribble on the little papers provided for that purpose.  But the family behind us offered one of them a book halfway through Mass.  Which was fine until the other noticed and wanted to hold it.

Entertainment only serves to promote the need for more entertainment and then the equal distribution of said entertainment.  Then there is the enforcement of the distribution, the threat of future enforcement if this one isn't followed and so forth.  Pretty soon the whole Mass is spent minding the kids rather than the kids minding their manners.

The perils of life

There have been a couple of posts on other blogs I read about getting rid of television, or at least avoiding it at all costs.

The Spirit's Sword: The Downhill Slide

Catholic Dads: Food for Thought from a New Guy

Usually, a coincidence like that would lead me to wonder if God is working on me in some way. But this time I see it from a different angle. On the Catholic Dads site, the father notices the zombie like stares and the endless parade of nothing across the TV. And how life is better without it during Lent.

My wife and I used to notice the same thing. How our life was holier without watching the tube. And how raunchy it seemed again when we watched it after a time away.

But perhaps a blessing of a large family is that you just don't have time for too many vices.

Sometimes my wife wonders how others manage to keep an immaculate house or have time to mend clothes and to read. But I suspect our kids spend much more time interacting with her during the day because they aren't camped out in front of the TV. And not because they don't want to, but because we reign it in. Our oldest, #3 and #5 are TV heads. #2 usually doesn't pay much attention to it (being blind has its advantage there) and #4 gets bored with it. But #5 is at the age that he would spend all day in front of it if we let him.

So why even bother keeping it around? What value is there in it?

I find it useful as a tool to reach certain children. My daughter read all the Lord of the Rings and I finally read the books too. So as a reward for her hard work in school and as special daddy-daughter time, we are watching the LOTR movies. It is something we enjoy doing together, noting where the script leaves the book and how we imagined the characters.

But it can be more than enjoyment. Number 3 is seven years old and quite a challenge. He is very athletic but doesn't have the drive to succeed. He gets easily discouraged when the wrestling match doesn't go well and jealous when his brother does better than him. The tears flow and frustration sets it. I try to push him, encourage him and point out his strong points. But it doesn't reach him. Basically I don't know how to relate to the gifted yet undetermined boy. (as I was quite the opposite)

But he has an emotional side that is easily reached through books and movies. He will often get very sad and teary when a good movie touches his heart. So it was the other night when we watched "Facing the Giants." It is a Christian movie, very good for the budget (read: some of the acting was shallow) and didn't get too preachy; about a high school football coach that is struggling in many areas of life.

In his struggle to reach his under-achieving team, he realizes it isn't about football but about life and glorifying God in all we do. And he challenges one particularly talented but lazy boy to go beyond his self imposed limits. He does this by blindfolding him so he doesn't know where to "quit".

It struck me as similar to my boy thinking he can't do something. In one wrestling match last year he was wrestling his best match so far. But his opponent came back to tie the match and send it to overtime where the first point wins. My son got the advantage when the other boy tried to shoot in for his leg. He was on top and all he had to do was to break the boy's grip and spin to the back for the 2 point takedown. But just at the point of victory he gave up, not realizing how close he was to winning.

He thought he couldn't do any more and he was right. So he gave up.

Now I am not overly concerned about a lost wrestling match for a seven year-old. But more so for what life may throw his way and his ability to withstand the challenge of living a holy life.

So after the movie I was able to talk to him about how that football player was able to do more than he thought possible. And how I know he can do the same. God had given him talent and it was up to him to use it fully, not just in sports but in life.

So, to end the long-winded post, TV proved to be a tool for me to better understand my son. A tool for him to see how others can struggle and overcome. Without being able to use someone else's inspiration and story, I would be at a loss. And without the medium, I would have trouble relating it to my son.