What I secretly dread about my children growing up

Guess it isn't so secret if I post it on the internet. But as my kids grow-up, here are a few things I dread.

1. Pulling a "pair" of socks out of gym bag, only to discover they aren't really a pair; but rather one of mine and one of my boys. The latter being eerily close to mine in size, but with the distinct discoloration that comes from running in socks through yard.

2. Body odor. Now I sweat a little (or quite a little, depending on who you ask) and have the accompanying aromas. But those are mine. And as any good alpha dog will let you know, there is only room for one of those smells around here.

3. Being a wrestler, I am pretty sure I will be able to hold my own until they are into adulthood, but pretty soon I am going to have to start using my "veteran" wits more than my physical brawn.

4. Food bills. I think I know what store owners feel like during a riot. Turn your back and everything good is gone off the shelves.

5. As they get older, perhaps they will goof off less, but when they do throw each other around, the damage is likely to cost more. For the doctor bills and the home repairs.

Another fine finish

Going to have to allow a proud dad to brag just a bit.  Another Pinewood derby is in the books.  Three boys building cars, the two younger brothers doing their best to "help".  I thought this was Cub Scouts not Adventure Scouts.  But yes, quite another adventure.

The boys did quite a bit of the work this year, they designed their own cars.  I did my best to sculpt the block of wood to their specs using Japanese Carving Chisels.  They had to do the sanding.  Then they got to do the painting.  They helped polish the wheels and I did the final assembly.  We talked about the critical items on the car, aerodynamics, good finish, but the most important is the wheels.  Get them straight and the race goes well.  Any issue on the wheels will probably lead to poor results.

So how did we do?  I had to scramble to get the weights on hours before the race, and after setting the bar real high last year, I wasn't optimistic.  Last year the eldest son got second at the pack and 14th at the district.  Son 2 got fifth at the pack and just missed going to districts.  An awfully high bar considering it was our first year and I see more value in them trying and failing than have dad do it all so they can win.  Couple that with trying to put more of the responsibility on the boys this year, I didn't expect doing as well.

But the good Lord be praised, my eldest son had another fine showing.  He was running well, not winning every heat, but he must have been more consistent than the others.  Watching his brothers tell him where he finished was entertaining.  Then I would tell him his time and/or the winning time for each heat.  I let him calculate the numbers.

He could hardly contain himself as the top 4 were announced.  Afterwards I told him he needed to work on being more humble when he won.  He told me, "I'm trying dad!" in his most subdued excited voice he could manage.  Good for him.  For a boy that trails his younger brother in many things, I like to see him win once in a while.

The other two did well, 6th and 9th respectively.  And they are already planning improvements for next year.

Surprise ending

As a family we watched a Reader's Digest video called "Africa's Untamed Wilderness: Etosha" tonight. The kids love watching the predators attempting to catch their meals, the African wild cat was a amazing as it leaped into the air trying to catch birds flying by.

But as the kids cheered on the lions and cheetahs, there was a twist in the predator chain. One of the older cheetahs was killed by a lioness and the mother cheetah died also leaving the three youngsters to fend for themselves. Two of those died to leave only one as the video ended. The surprise ending for me was after the video when I was tucking the boys in bed. Boy #2 expressed how sad he was to that the cheetahs died. Boy #2 who likes to play rough, push his brothers around and has tried flying already was touched that the predators met a tough end.

Don't know what to make of it yet, but I am sure there is a lesson in there somewhere.

Physical solutions

I recently had to resolve a dust-up between my 7 year old and a friend. Seems the rough housing on the trampoline got a bit rough. I tend to ignore when the boys get their feelings hurt when they are being rowdy.

But my wife called attention to my boy being unhappy because the other boy hit him. But, of course it was a return for getting shoved. After I settled the matter with some push-ups and stairs, I had the boys shake hands. And then shake hands again, like a man which includes looking each other in the eye.

That night I was talking to my boy and he was still festering about it. I mentioned we would have his friend and dad come over so we can have a boxing match. I told him if he wanted to settle it with fighting we would put the gloves on and work it out fairly. He thought about it and grumpily agreed, but then added that he would rather wrestle.

Sounds about right because this other boy used to bully him until my son took him down and pinned him. But then again, my boy has a bit of the careless bully in him too. Perhaps we will just go UFC?

must read

While I ponder this article and think through a reasoned comment on it, enjoy it for yourself.

Redeeming The Black Avenger - Crisis Magazine

It is about winning the hearts of our boys for our faith.

Building blocks

Eric over at Square Zero takes a look at gender roles and how his 5 daughters and 1 son are different in their play. Now I have been blessed with 1 girl and 5 boys, so it is quite the opposite for me. Their isn't much "quiet" time in our house until the lights are out and I am well into my glass of Pinot Noir.

Square Zero: Boys and Girls at Play

That, it seems to me, is the way a father ought to relate to his daughters play—not to attempt to re-engineer it (by the way, a distinctly masculine notion to begin with), but simply to appreciate and enjoy it for what it naturally is.
And that is, come to think of it, the proper orientation to everything.

With boys, the gist is the same. I am often frustrated with my boys being boys. They are loud, one can't play any game with others without screaming and there is always seems to be an eventual injury. Mostly it is frustrating when I try to hold a conversation with my wife when I get home.

However, I let them know that if they want to play that way, they have to take it outside or downstairs. And as most veteran parents can attest, I don't jump at the first sound of crying or the bellow of an injured participant. They play rough, they take the punishment, that is how I see it.

It always amazes me how the boys will be attracted to whatever task I am doing. Something as simple as mowing the lawn will attract one or two on different occasions. One wants to pull start the mower each time, another just studies how it all works as I trudge back and forth. And just let me start building something, they come in force.

This Saturday, I was working on some props for my daughters Lord of the Rings birthday party. Nothing too fancy, but the playset became Helm's Deep with banners, swords and other weapons they had built; even Gimli's axe. A simple siege engine and a catapult adorned one corner of the yard and the trampoline became Mt. Doom. I think building it was more fun than the actual party and acting it out for my boys. They pitched right in hauling logs and bringing rocks for the catapult.

The perils of life

There have been a couple of posts on other blogs I read about getting rid of television, or at least avoiding it at all costs.

The Spirit's Sword: The Downhill Slide

Catholic Dads: Food for Thought from a New Guy

Usually, a coincidence like that would lead me to wonder if God is working on me in some way. But this time I see it from a different angle. On the Catholic Dads site, the father notices the zombie like stares and the endless parade of nothing across the TV. And how life is better without it during Lent.

My wife and I used to notice the same thing. How our life was holier without watching the tube. And how raunchy it seemed again when we watched it after a time away.

But perhaps a blessing of a large family is that you just don't have time for too many vices.

Sometimes my wife wonders how others manage to keep an immaculate house or have time to mend clothes and to read. But I suspect our kids spend much more time interacting with her during the day because they aren't camped out in front of the TV. And not because they don't want to, but because we reign it in. Our oldest, #3 and #5 are TV heads. #2 usually doesn't pay much attention to it (being blind has its advantage there) and #4 gets bored with it. But #5 is at the age that he would spend all day in front of it if we let him.

So why even bother keeping it around? What value is there in it?

I find it useful as a tool to reach certain children. My daughter read all the Lord of the Rings and I finally read the books too. So as a reward for her hard work in school and as special daddy-daughter time, we are watching the LOTR movies. It is something we enjoy doing together, noting where the script leaves the book and how we imagined the characters.

But it can be more than enjoyment. Number 3 is seven years old and quite a challenge. He is very athletic but doesn't have the drive to succeed. He gets easily discouraged when the wrestling match doesn't go well and jealous when his brother does better than him. The tears flow and frustration sets it. I try to push him, encourage him and point out his strong points. But it doesn't reach him. Basically I don't know how to relate to the gifted yet undetermined boy. (as I was quite the opposite)

But he has an emotional side that is easily reached through books and movies. He will often get very sad and teary when a good movie touches his heart. So it was the other night when we watched "Facing the Giants." It is a Christian movie, very good for the budget (read: some of the acting was shallow) and didn't get too preachy; about a high school football coach that is struggling in many areas of life.

In his struggle to reach his under-achieving team, he realizes it isn't about football but about life and glorifying God in all we do. And he challenges one particularly talented but lazy boy to go beyond his self imposed limits. He does this by blindfolding him so he doesn't know where to "quit".

It struck me as similar to my boy thinking he can't do something. In one wrestling match last year he was wrestling his best match so far. But his opponent came back to tie the match and send it to overtime where the first point wins. My son got the advantage when the other boy tried to shoot in for his leg. He was on top and all he had to do was to break the boy's grip and spin to the back for the 2 point takedown. But just at the point of victory he gave up, not realizing how close he was to winning.

He thought he couldn't do any more and he was right. So he gave up.

Now I am not overly concerned about a lost wrestling match for a seven year-old. But more so for what life may throw his way and his ability to withstand the challenge of living a holy life.

So after the movie I was able to talk to him about how that football player was able to do more than he thought possible. And how I know he can do the same. God had given him talent and it was up to him to use it fully, not just in sports but in life.

So, to end the long-winded post, TV proved to be a tool for me to better understand my son. A tool for him to see how others can struggle and overcome. Without being able to use someone else's inspiration and story, I would be at a loss. And without the medium, I would have trouble relating it to my son.

You know

It is going to be a good article when a Canon Lawyer starts off with

I was sitting in what could only be described as a tree-house. The platform stood eleven feet off the ground, outside of cell-phone range, and surrounded by a forest of poplar, maple and pine. A twelve-gauge shotgun rested to my left, and on the bucket to my right lay some spare ammunition and a rosary.

Pete Vere's article is about St. Gabriel Possenti and his model for the Church Militant. To paraphrase Kenny Rogers, "You've got to know when to turn the other cheek and know when to stand and fight." As the father of boys, I have worked that dilemma over quite often. How can I raise my sons to be courageous men, defenders of the faith and yet not end up with hoodlums looking for a fight. Well, the answer is that it is okay to fight to protect someone. Or as my 6 year old put it, "to keep from sinning". Bingo. Fight when those behind you need defending. Fight for your soul, not your ego.

Which brings up the second incident in which St. Gabriel Possenti demonstrated the virtues of Catholic manhood. Again it involved a potential rape, but this time the victims were a couple of young virgins. The perpetrators were two soldiers-turned-brigands who were part of a larger gang pillaging the village.

Rather than hide in the monastery like the rest of the clergy, St. Gabriel Possenti approached the rapists and grabbed their revolvers. With a pistol in each hand, he ordered the brutes to unhand the crying maidens.

The bandits laughed. The rest of their gang came over and mocked St. Gabriel's cassock bearing our Lord's Sacred Heart. They pointed out that a single seminarian was no match for over a dozen battle-hardened soldiers.

Just then a small lizard dashed between the saint and the brigands. With a pinch of the trigger, the seminarian shot the lizard dead. "The next one will be through your heart," he told the gang's leader.

The soldiers let go of the young ladies, returned the stolen loot and extinguished the fires they had lit, then fled the village. They knew better than to test the manly virtue of this man of God. For St. Gabriel Possenti did not abuse his strength, but rather he used it to defend the weak against unjust threats of violence.