Thursday, January 18, 2007

How is the health of your Parish?

1. Have you ever heard your priest refer to the GIRM as a suggestion book?

2. Does your parish resemble a hippie commune singing Kumbaya more than a divine, heavenly, worship where heaven and earth meet?

3. When you tell people where you go to church, do they respond, “I didn’t know that was a Catholic Church” or “That’s Catholic?”

4. Has your liturgist replaced the phrase in the creed “made man” with “became one of us” or dumped the “smells and bells” by the wayside?

5. Has the bread and wine used for consecration been replaced with milk and cookies?

6. Does your church have a committee to tell the priest how to wipe his nose, with what to wipe it, and when to wipe it? In other words, are there more committees at your parish than there are parishioners?

7. Has the Clergy confused himself with the laity? Has a parishioner confused himself or herself with the Clergy?

If you answered yes to two or more of these then your parish might be suffering from Litabutinitus (lit-a-bu-ta-ni-tus). Litabutinitus is a deadly crippling disease, which if not treated properly will lead to spiritual staleness, post Vatican II Blues, and closure of an infected parish. In years past the only available treatment was excommunication, and it worked effectively on some and not well enough on others.
Hmmm, I may have to put in a large order soon. I think we may have to go straight to the mass dosages via the donut ministry.
Other possible means of administering Lit-Rite are to hide Lit-Rite 10mg in the jelly donuts and to slip Lit-Rite Liquid into the coffee and juice at the Donut Ministry table after each Sunday mass.

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